Well, if you have not seen the TV show Baby reindeer, just move along.. because there will be spoilers.
Last year I watched this show as it came out and it has been on my mind ever since. I just cannot seem to get over it for several reasons. So here is one of the reason why…
The play Baby Reindeer by Richard Gadd is widely praised for its unflinching exploration of stalking, toxic masculinity, and trauma. However, there is an oversight in the broader conversation about the narrative — the disturbing sexual assault Richard experiences at the hands of a producer is often dismissed or overshadowed by the focus on his stalker, Martha.
There is an imbalance in calling attention to the themes of male victimhood experienced via stalking in comparison to exploitation of power, and sexual violence against men, which are critical yet under-discussed aspects of Baby Reindeer.
One of the most harrowing moments in Baby Reindeer is when Gadd recounts being drugged and raped by a producer during his early days in the entertainment industry. This traumatic event profoundly shapes his psyche, contributing to his guilt, shame, and feelings of emasculation. Yet, much of the public discourse about the play focuses on his stalker, Martha, and the emotional toll she took on him. While Martha’s relentless harassment is horrifying and central to the narrative, it is troubling that the audience and critics alike seem to gloss over the sexual violence he endured.
This silence reflects a broader cultural issue: the reluctance to confront male sexual assault, particularly when the perpetrator is a man. Male victims often feel doubly stigmatized — first by the assault itself, and then by the societal perception that they should have been able to “fight back” or that their trauma is less significant than that of female victims. Gadd’s story challenges these toxic ideas, but the response to the play demonstrates that these stigmas remain deeply embedded.
Power and Exploitation in the Entertainment Industry
The producer’s assault on Gadd is a clear abuse of power — a dynamic often seen in the entertainment industry, where young creatives are vulnerable to exploitation. What’s striking is that Gadd frames this event not just as an isolated act of violence but as a critical turning point in his life. The assault is foundational to his unraveling, fueling the shame, self-loathing, and hyper-masculine posturing that characterize much of his subsequent behavior.
Despite this, the conversation around Baby Reindeer rarely engages with this moment of power abuse. Why? Perhaps because it challenges societal comfort zones — it is easier to frame Gadd as a victim of an obsessive woman than as a victim of male-on-male rape, which forces the audience to confront the uncomfortable reality of sexual violence against men.
The Narrative Focus: Martha vs. the Producer
The way Gadd positions the story also contributes to this imbalance. Martha is given a name, a voice, and a presence throughout the play. The producer, however, is left unidentified, reduced to a shadowy figure in Gadd’s memory. This narrative choice is understandable — it reflects Gadd’s own struggle to process that trauma and his tendency to downplay it. However, it also leaves the audience with a skewed impression of what caused Gadd’s pain.
The framing invites sympathy for Gadd as a victim of stalking while sidelining the arguably more significant trauma he endured: the sexual assault. Critics have perpetuated this imbalance by failing to interrogate how the assault shaped Gadd’s actions and mental state.
Breaking the Silence
It is crucial to challenge the way we talk about Baby Reindeer and, more broadly, the way we talk about male sexual assault. The lack of conversation around Gadd’s assault perpetuates the silence surrounding male victimhood and reinforces damaging gender stereotypes. We must acknowledge that sexual violence against men exists, that it can have devastating psychological consequences, and that it is no less deserving of empathy and attention.
Why we are more comfortable discussing Martha’s actions than the producer’s? Is it because it is shameful? Is it because stories of male vulnerability challenge entrenched ideas of masculinity? Whatever the reason, it’s time to give Richard Gadd’s story the full reckoning it deserves — one that includes his assault as a central, defining trauma, not a footnote to his experience with a stalker.
In re-evaluating Baby Reindeer, we must confront the uncomfortable truths it reveals about power, vulnerability, and sexual violence — even when they challenge our assumptions about gender and victimhood.
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